Secret Eating : Understanding why you hide your eating and ways to overcome it
Want to to know a secret? I used to be a secret eater.
I remember when my mom first went back to work when I was a child. I would sneak around the kitchen looking for the chocolate chips and stick my finger in the Countrytime lemonade powder treating it like a pixie stick. I really liked sugar from an early age, but somehow I knew to eat it more in secret.
Later, in college, I came home after running through McD’s and went straight to my room. Not only did I put it in my backpack so my roommates wouldn’t see it, but I really thought no one would smell the 2 cheeseburgers and fries as I walked through the apartment. It was shame and guilt, but also very emotional eating from stress.
I later ate in secret because people would say things like, “Kim is so healthy, she won’t eat that.” I felt like, as a long distance runner or health coach, I would be judged and had this identity as someone that ate “perfectly”.
Freedom from those expectations and worrying about judgement has also led me to more food freedom.
Even though my secret eating started early, it can start anytime and last a lifetime.
Do you have any secret eating moments?
Take a moment to reflect on why you may eat in secret. Consider journaling your answers to these questions.
When was the first time you remember eating in secret on purpose?
Do you feel judged?
Do you feel like your food will be taken away?
Do you feel like you are disappointing yourself or someone else?
Do you feel like you have to be someone else and have a more healthy public identity?
Do you feel like you are supposed to have willpower or control?
Many of my clients report that the secret eating is for comfort and has very little to do with the food itself. They often use words when describing their feelings as angry, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, empty or deserve a reward.
One of my clients even asked herself, “Why do I care what anyone thinks of my eating?”. She explained she felt like she always had to be perfect, at least on the outside.
If you feel any of these feelings, there is hope. There are ways to break the pattern, but it takes practice.
Stress eating is real. Check out my last blog for more ways to reduce that stress when you feel uncomfortable and need to feel calmer by using these strategies. Click the button below.
Even if you are working on your health, having a treat may feel good, but only if you are not beating yourself up about it. Normalize having a little fun food with your nourishing food. If you can really slow down and enjoy the treat, you will have less and enjoy it even more. Experiment with eating in the dining room or kitchen area and eat it sitting down.
If you are with people who would judge you, consider the health of the relationships. Being able to be you is important, especially around food. Having fun food with friends and family is part of life. “Breaking bread” together is how many people connect.
More tips:
Put your food on a plate, sit and eat without the TV or phone. If people are around, engage in conversation. If no one is around, still eat in a common area.
Often, since diets are so restrictive, you may eat in secret because you are “failing” at the diet. Consider not being so restrictive and allowing the occasional treat. If it is built in, then you are not doing anything wrong in your mind.
Try to normalize having a little fun food with your nourishing food to help you not overindulge later.
Give yourself grace and acceptance. This is a journey and emotional eating will lessen when you start looking at the root causes and finding ways to fill those needs without food.
Be kind and caring with your words. Your body and mind hear every word.
You are not good or bad based on the food you eat or where you eat it.
When we bring things to light and out in the open from the darkness, it is a relief and freedom. You can release the burden when it’s no longer a secret.
XOXO,
Kim
