All I ask for Christmas is to let go of my perfectionism

Do you have super high expectations during the holidays or the new year when it comes to your eating?  

How many of these thoughts have come to your mind during the holidays?

I will have the control and willpower to stay away from all the cookies on the counter, the mashed potatoes and wine at dinner.

I won’t sneak holiday cookies when no one is looking.
I am all in or all out with my eating.

I am always on a diet so I can’t eat traditional holiday food. 

I am starting again January 1.

Wow!  The pressure to be on point with your eating is incredible.  How can you enjoy the season when you are obsessed with doing everything perfectly around the most delicious food of the year?

As a recovering perfectionist and emotional eater, I understand, and it was so normal for me because I did it year after year after year.  I never learned the lesson that perfectionism was what was actually messing me up and making me eat emotionally more often.

I was terrified of making mistakes, being embarrassed, not looking like I had it all together.  This wasn’t just about the food.  The harder I tried to be perfect, the worse I would be and I felt terrible about myself.  I felt shame over not being able to follow through with simple diets which we now know are not simple and destructive to our minds and bodies.

Perfectionism, on one hand, can help you get tasks done and done well, but it can have quite a downside.  Negative perfectionism can really hurt your self-esteem, confidence and create so much stress in your mind and body.  Then, as expected, you soothe with food.

If you are trying to be perfect and fail at a diet, you set yourself up for shame and guilt.  Negative self talk takes over and enjoying the moment is impossible. 
I think I was on some sort of diet for over half my life. How about you?  Are you trying to be so on it that when you fail, you end up completely going the other way?  

There is another way, but in order to thrive, you may need to change that perfectionist mindset.  

Here are some ways to rethink the holidays and food and how you treat yourself when you are not perfect.

Remember who’s in charge

Your perfectionism may come from an early experience in your life.  If you recognize why you didn’t feel good enough, you will also be able to understand that things are different now.  You are making your own rules and it doesn’t have to be perfect.  

Those lies that you are still telling yourself manifest in comforting yourself with food when you “mess up” or in how you feel about your body.

You are the driver.  Your inner perfectionist can take a back seat to you when you observe it happening and you can take charge of your thoughts.  You decide where they go.  

Observe your need to restrict your food 

Are you always on a diet or have food rules? Letting go of eating perfectly throughout the holidays can not only free you from the harsh restrictions of the diet world, but when you give yourself permission to try food, taste it, and enjoy it, you may actually eat less.  If you are always on a diet, your inability to stick to it has more to do with the restrictive diet than you as a person.

Be mindful

Are you always looking to the next thing you have to do or even days ahead?  Slow down and be in the moment so you can enjoy food, conversation and connections so much more.  Observe sights, smells and textures to really be where you are. 

Perfectionism also robs you of the ability to be mindful and observant of why you are eating.  You just assume it’s your fault.  When you use mindfulness, you can trace back how you feel and help yourself get to the root cause instead of restricting your food.  You may need more sleep, a break, some self-care or need to reduce stress.

People pleasing

One element to perfectionism is worrying about what people think.  This season, practice asking yourself if you really want to do something or are you rearranging your life or schedule to take care of someone else’s needs first.

When you are not able to be your authentic self, you may also overeat.  When you have to hold back on thoughts and opinions or make peace to avoid conflict, you may choose comfort foods to get rid of that discomfort.  

Are you worried about disappointing others?   You are not responsible for everyone being happy during the holidays, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself.

Practice gratitude

Feeling abundant for all that is going well (instead of what is not going according to plan) can free you from noticing every single flaw with your eating or not staying on track with your routines during this season. 

Look for small joys in each day.   Things won’t happen exactly as you expect, but if they do, you will be pleasantly surprised. 

Choose grace over self condemnation

When you binge or overeat, give yourself a break.  You are not good or bad based on the food or amount of food you eat. 

Let go of having to start over every day, every month or January 1.

You get to start over every minute of the day, but take the pressure off by realizing you don’t have to “wipe the slate clean” every day to improve your health, mindset or eating habits. 

Instead of starting over, add in things that are good for your self-care, gut health and mental health.  The pressure is reduced when you are not telling yourself you CAN’T have something.  Have fun adding in to create healthier routines.  Starting small and consistency creates more sustainability.

Increase your positive self talk

Daily affirmations can help you remember the truth over the perfectionistic lies.  

“I am good enough”

“I can make mistakes.  In fact, they are great for learning”

“I love holiday food and I can enjoy it”

“I am more than my body”

“I am loved and lovable regardless of the food I eat”

Reduce  your overwhelm and stress as much as possible

Your routines will be disrupted during the holidays.  This is actually good practice for other times when you have no control over the schedule.  People will be hurried and impatient, traffic will be worse and the stores will be packed.

Try people watching and greeting others.  Notice what happens when you are the first to let someone get in the checkout line before you or when you say Happy Holidays. This is a beautiful time to pay forward kindness.

Can you list the top 2 things you need to accomplish today instead of 10?  As a perfectionist, you may be a list maker and love to scratch the tasks off the list.  Start small so you are successful.  Celebrate what you do get done instead of those items that didn’t and can be moved to tomorrow.

Be aware of perfectionism in other areas of your life because when we feel less than “perfect” in parenting, relationships, getting things done, career or other areas, it can really bring the emotional eating to the surface for coping and comfort.

Focus on the holiday season and journey and not the exact outcome. Some things to ask for this Christmas:

Peace over overwhelm

Grace over self-criticism

Love over perfect

Wishing you a wonderful and healthy holiday season!

XOXO,

Kim