Making Peace With Your Body After Age 40

When I was young, I was a dancer.  I remember some of the older girls and their bodies changing throughout their teen years.  That was the first time I was exposed to peers using weight loss methods to keep their bodies lean so they still looked like dancers.  Later, some of my gymnast and skating friends would tell me they went through the same thing.

When I went to college, I gained 15-20 pounds from late night pizza, dorm food, beer and ice cream.  I would say it was fun, but I also suspect I was dealing with a bit of depression that first year. 

I had never gained weight before, so the steady increase around my midsection was confusing and my tight clothes were frustrating.  That’s when the comparison with other women really set in.  When comments were made about my body from family members and an ex-boyfriend, I felt ashamed and out of control.

I became transfixed with other womens bodies, but I was not the only one. We all are in a body obsessed world.  We see pictures every day and compare on every level.  Somehow, because other people look different and have a different build, we often feel “less than” or not good enough. You may immediately think you need to shrink your body or change something about your body.

You would think we would have peace by now. It doesn’t matter if you want to lose weight, gain weight, change the shape of your body or just look different, body image issues can affect anyone.  My midlife clients are also dealing with body changes due to menopause, hormones and aging. Clients report to me they feel disconnected from their bodies when they have body image issues.

At some point in your younger life, you may have been sent a message that your body wasn’t good enough.  You also are sent messages through social media, TV and movies of what is considered beautiful and body acceptable.

If you judge yourself and feel worthy or unworthy based on those external images,remember some of those images are photoshopped and filtered. Any body can be in transition to feeling better and getting healthy.  Being patient and caring about yourslelf at every stage is not always easy.  We live in a world of instant results.  

Hating your body can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. The problem is you may do very destructive things like restricting food or going to the other extreme by giving up and binge eating.  Some, like me, had very disordered eating patterns all in the name of changing our bodies. This doesn’t just harm you physically, but mentally and emotionally it hurts because, on some level, you may feel shame and guilt. 

Diet culture makes you believe we have to “earn” our calories, eat things you don’t like and to fear food groups.  Forcing yourself to eat kale, drop all the carbs, over exercise or feel guilty when you eat or skip a workout is only going to reinforce negative body feelings.

It may be difficult at many points in this journey to feel body love or even body acceptance for yourself.  Can you consider feeling body neutrality? Can you trust yourself to know what your body needs?  

Consider looking for the joy in each part of your transformation.  Remember, transformation doesn’t have to mean weight loss.  It can mean  feeling more respect for your body and how it functions.  It can be admiring all the systems and how they work to keep you going every day. Transformation can also look like connecting to your body more.

Here are some tips to help you find peace with your body:

Journal how you feel, where those feelings may have come from and all of your body’s strengths and characteristics.

Look for all the other things you have to offer the world such as a smile, a sparkle in your eye, a sense of humor, kindness, or compassion.

Explore where you first became aware that your body may be different than others.  Was there a message given to you at that time that shaped how you feel about your body?  Is that message true?  Is your worth solely dependent on your body shape and size?

Consider your genetics. What did you inherit? What body characteristics did you inherit that you appreciate?

Wear comfortable clothing. If you wear clothes that are uncomfortable and digging into your skin, you may blame your body instead of the clothes.  Let your body be itself and dress it to feel good. You and your body deserve to be comfortable.

Say affirmations daily.

Look at yourself in the mirror, acknowledge yourself, smile and say:

“I am healthy right now, in transition and getting better every day”

“I love my body for _____________”

“I am enough today and every day”

Connect with your body.

Try yoga and slow stretching to feel your body.

Get a massage.

Do breathwork.

Take time for meditation.

Try tapping (EFT) on body image and body connection.

Challenge social media and diet culture

Choose a way of eating that makes you feel good, nourished, not restricted and not guilty.

Unfollow accounts that make you feel less than good enough. Follow positive accounts.

Practice less judgement towards others and their bodies which will in turn help you judge yourself less.

Talk to yourself in a kind way.  Your brain and body hear everything.

XOXO,

Kim