Women over 40: Are you hanging on to the extra weight to protect yourself?

If I could take back my first year of coaching, I would!!  I was all about just the healthy eating and surfacy health coaching, but the secret sauce to helping my clients was WAY deeper.

I had a menopausal client who was not moving forward in her goals.  She felt defeated and I took it personally.  I thought I wasn’t a good coach or maybe I didn’t know enough about menopause and losing weight in midlife.  One day, it all broke open!

My divorced client made a comment about not wanting to lose weight because then men might ask her out. Silence. We both just sat with that for a minute.

Time to break through

What an incredible breakthrough!  Until she was able to work through that issue, other things in her life would not flow either. Connections with friends and herself were challenging. 

I directed her to a therapist to help her with her journey.  I often share clients with therapists because it takes a supportive team to give the best and complete care for the mind and body, which are not really separate.

I also used tapping (EFT) to help her release some stress and emotions around that thought of protecting herself with her weight.  Yes!  There was actually a psychological benefit to keeping the weight on her body.  She could finally stop blaming and shaming herself for not sticking to a diet.

Weight as a psychological benefit

When it comes to your body, you may think of weight only as a physical burden. You may also think you are weak or undisciplined and that’s why you can’t get healthy or stop emotional eating.  You worry about the effect it has on your health, your appearance, and your mobility, but have you ever considered that the weight on your body might also be serving a psychological purpose?

Once I learned how to ask the right questions and hold the space better, another client revealed that as a woman over 50 who has struggled with weight issues for most of her life, she felt like the extra pounds were a protective shield. It's almost like they formed a barrier between her and the outside world.  She felt her childhood trauma caused her to eat emotionally to bury it.

Using being overweight to be funny

She also felt like if she announced in a humorous way,  “I’m fat” to people, it would shield her from the judgments and criticisms of others because she was saying it before anyone could think or say it.  Her pain was so deep, but she often tried to laugh it off and joke about herself in front of others. She was learning that weight might also be serving a deeper purpose, but making herself a joke was a protection mechanism.

I’ll be happy when…

In sessions, I also hear, “I’ll be happy when I lose the weight” or “I’ll try that activity when I am smaller”.   You might tell yourself that you'll start living your life fully once you've lost the weight, or that you'll pursue your dreams once you look the way you want to look. In a strange way, this kind of thinking can be comforting. A deeper subconscious thought may be if you never quite get to where you want to be, you'll never have to face the risk of failure or disappointment.

Using weight to protect from the future

The weight might also be serving as a kind of armor, protecting you from the next bad thing that might happen. If you've experienced trauma or difficult times in the past, it's natural to want to guard against similar experiences in the future. The weight can serve as a tangible reminder of the hardships you've faced, and a way to keep yourself from getting hurt again.

While these psychological benefits might be real, they're ultimately limiting you and your ability to have a full and authentic life. If you're always living in fear of the next bad thing that might happen, you'll never be able to fully enjoy the good things in life. If you're always waiting to start living until you've lost the weight, you'll never get the chance to truly be yourself.

Take a closer look at why you may protect yourself

Losing weight is not easy and it may not even be the right choice for everyone. But if you're carrying extra weight as a way to protect yourself emotionally, it's worth taking a closer look at why. 

What are you afraid of? 

What do you think will happen if you let go of the weight? 

What kind of life do you want to live?

What do you want to show your kids and grandkids?

What expectations will be on you if you lose weight?

Are you eating to protect yourself from feelings?

Are you eating to escape or comfort yourself?

Please consider:

Reaching out to a professional

Journaling

Using tapping (EFT) or meditation

Connecting with friends who will understand

Connecting spiritually

So if you're carrying extra weight and feeling like it's a protective shield, know that you're not alone. But also know that you're capable of so much more than you might realize. If you are a woman over 40 and you have been struggling for years, the world is waiting for you, and it's time to take off that armor and step into the light.

XOXO,

Kim

If you are interested in exploring the health coaching journey with me, click the link below to schedule a free 30 minute call so I can learn more about you and you can learn about my program